Chuck “The Iceman” Lidell vs. Tito “The Huntington Beach Badboy” Ortiz
Chuck Lidell was raised by grizzy bears and is the manliest man since Chuck Norris. Tito Ortiz got his nickname from when he used to work at a tanning parlor in Huntington Beach and overcharge for sprays of coconut oil. Seriously, “The Huntington Beach Bad Boy”? Really Tito? Really? God, I hate his big stupid head. Tito weighs in at 210 lbs, and at least 170 of that comes from that freakin noggin. Dude, you are not that sweet, and while yeah Jenna Jameson is hot and all, do you really want to take that thing home to your mother. Half of the men on earth have spilled DNA all over that face, and with a quick Google search you can see her play “hide the fist” with another girl. We take Chuck in a knockout victory, and hope that the knockout includes death. P.S. At least Chuck Lidell is nice to his fans (thanks Shoe), while Tito is a stuck up floozy.
Predicted Winner: Chuck Lidell
Forrest “The Iceman” Griffin vs. Keith “The Dean of Mean” Jardine
Forrest Griffin pretty much beat Tito Ortiz before so he is ok by us. Keith Jardine has ears that look like rotten cabbage, so he kinda freaks us out. Keith, please know that your nickname should be less then four words, and that you should change “Dean” to “Queen” because then it sounds like a knee-slapping CBS sitcom.
Predicted Winner: Forrest “No Nickname” Griffin
Michael “The Count” Bisping vs. Eric “Ravishing Red” Schafer
If you ever saw “The Ultimate Fighter” you know that Bisping trains in the woods doing pushps on trees, kicking mountain lions in their nostrils, and punching rocks until it turns into gravel. His day job is to be the Supreme Overlord of Awesomeness, and when he farts the locals have to hide in their basements due to its nerve-gas like properties. Oh yeah, and Eric “Ravishing Red” Schafer. Whoops, I forgot about him. He is like that one kid on your high school sports team that give himself his own lame-o nickname. “Ravishing Red”? That sounds like a porno name. How is anyone supposed to fear that? “O no, watch out for little Eric, he may ravish you with his good looks and Stetson Cologne!”
Predicted Winner: Michael “The Count” Bisping
Andrei “The Pitbull” Arlovski vs. Marcio “Pe De Pano” Cruz
Andrei Arlovski has fangs for mouthguards and used to be the champ until he lost to a fat roided out freak of nature. Marcio on the other hand has a nickname that you have to translate, and only 3 career fights. This is going to the the battle of the beards, and any idiot can see that Arlovski’s beard is thicker, fuller, and possibly softer then “the Pano’s”.
Predicted Winner: Andrei “The Pitbull” Arlovski
Chris “The Crippler” Leben vs. Jason “The Athlete” MacDonald
Hey Jason “The Athlete”, nice to know you are into sports! I have one thing to show you and it is Chris Leben’s Tattoo on his back:
Be scared “Athlete”, be very scared.
Predicted Winner: Chris “The Crippler” Leben
We Here at Pong A Long also have a little party each UFC fight and have our own UFC drinking game. We fill out a scorecard for each fight carefully choosing each fighter. Rules are simple, if your fighter loses, then you have to take the associated shot. The shots have to be as bad as possible. You can change fighters once they come out, but then you are double or nothing on that shot. (Example: I pick Lidell, but he comes out and looks like he was boozing all night, then I can change to Ortiz, but when he gets KO’ed i now have to take two of the associated shots) Warning, this UFC drinking game is not fun if you suck at picking winners.
Our scorecard and associated shots can be found here which is in the form of an excel Spreadsheet.
GoodLuck!
Leave a Reply