Brain Parasite

When traveling back in Tampa last month, we came across a pretty funny scene in a pretty dark and dirty bathroom. Rest assured, we made sure that our scotch was not on the rocks.

Pictures from Unnamed Bar in Tampa Florida:

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And on the handle it says: FOR ICE BIN ONLY.

No wonder the drinks tasted like crap.

You can guarantee that our beer pong tables come nowhere near that plunger!

We were just over at the Internet Anagram Server, where you can quickly get an anagram for any word (under 14 characters). They say that your anagrams tell a lot about you (Clint Eastwood an anagram of Old West Action, parliament is an anagram of partial men .. etc).

We typed in "Pong A Long." and got:

"Long Nap. Go."

Night Everybody, no need to fight the machine's demands!

P.S. Britney Spears = Presbyterians.

We just noticed that in our last two blog posts we mentioned Nick Lachey. This is unacceptable, unintelligent, and unlike us. We apologize sincerely, and will use a Nick Lachey photo sparingly from here on out. Nick Lachey looks like a thoroughbred Cardigan Welsh Corgi that has been Dirty Sanchezed so many times that he has constant stain above his lip. (Kind of like Joe Rogan and his perma-5 o'clock shadow) Nick Lachey has no right to be on a blog, espically ours which is dedicated to beer pong tables, funny videos, or sports bets.

We would like to offer these pictures of Scarlett Johansson as a peace offering, and to right all of our wrongs.

We get contacts asking us, how do we win the photo submission contest? What kind of picture should we take?

We have always just said take a "rad" beer pong table photo. Until today. We had to face the facts and answer the question: What is rad?

This is the unedited transcript on how the question was answered:

That is great......... we will send photos!

~Wonderful Customer

Wonderful Customer,

Excellent! You can win some cool stuff if you send a rad photo to us.

Sincerely,

The Pong A Long Team

You had better define "rad" so we don't offend anyone.

~Wonderful Customer

Wonderful Customer,

Rad = A unicorn smoking a unfiltered lucky strike with kittens skewered
on its horn like shish kabobs while eating a baby and parking in a
handicap spot without a handicap sticker.

We are unoffendable!

Sincerely,
The Pong A Long Team

Like Elaine Benes and the Soup Nazi, or the dumb talking dog and Bush's baked beans, you now have the formula.

We here at Pong A Long just wanted to say that we surely think that "Heat of the Moment" off of Asia 's 1982 self titled CD is the best song that has ever been created, and will probably never be topped in our lifetime. For chrissakes, they even have a Sea Dragon grappling an oversized floating marble on the CD cover.

The lyrics in the song are flawless and ring true to the real world:

And now you find yourself in 82
The disco hotspots hold no charm for you
You cant concern yourself with bigger things
You catch the pearl and ride the dragons wings

Even Dem Franchise Boyz covered the song, although they slightly modified the lyrics to:

I'm all about my cash ride around wit a nice peace
Ear piece icy they straight up like me
You heard pimpin playa (they shine so brightly)
Don't stand so close vision burners with ice blingers

Asia’s brady-esque video stimulates the senses with up-close tambourine shots, flaming sunglasses, smashed hourglasses, and even the unheard of usage of a skin-tight button-down vest with no shirt underneath.

And we rest our case. We here at Pong A Long are are merely beer pong guru's, but we dare you to find a better song, and will even send you free stuff if we agree.

And No Europe's "Final Countdown" is not better.

Sure we here at Pong A Long make portable beer pong tables, but we also are a wealth of purposeless and stupefied information. A freaking wealth of it. Today we look to everyones favorite search engine for some more:

We attract a strange crowd here in these parts, and maybe due in part to what Google puts us number one for. Here is a twisted list of searches that will bring you directly to Pong A Long.

(please note that if you are reading this in 2010 the results will probably not be the same. These things do change. And also please tell Gordon B. Hinckley that we wish him a happy 100th birthday)

To see the results, simply go to Google and type in the exact phrase below. It's like hide and seek without the hiding, or like Marco Polo without a mustache.

Top Pong A Long Searches:

User Submission Winner

Hipper then Bo Jackson

Cheaper then an 11.01 Dollar Hooker

Tell BJ Armstrong We Said Hi

Smelly, Cold Hearted Jerk

Good Soft Well Groomed Hands

Didn’t Give us VD

Sloozberry Doozler

Midget Hooker that Stole Your Heart

Quarter Barrel and a Bedpan

It's kinda like that coffee induced "chance fart" that you brave every morning. You wonder if the outcome of our efforts will be muddy filth, or a seat warming blast of gassy toxins. That's why you lift your leg up a bit, you don't want to soil your sofa, that and the fact that you want to wallow in its entirety. As the warm chunk-free air flows out you realize this fearless flatulence feeling is the exactly the same as when you unwrap one of our fresh beer pong tables from its packaging (except that farts smell so much sweeter than beer pong tables). The anxiety is over, you took a chance, and you won. Pat yourself on the back and add in a little rub from us over here at Pong A Long.

When you think of portability coupled with affordability, it’s tough not to day dream about that midget hooker that stole your heart one summers night. She was gentle, but firm and had the most remarkable way of folding over. Not so much at the waist or the knees, but at some foreign area in-between. We had you in mind when we designed the worlds most portable, yet affordable beer pong tables. They fold in half for ease of transportation and they provide endless hours of enjoyment, just like you baby. But unlike you, the tables clean up quickly and easily, stand 31 inches high, and didn’t give us VD. You’ll always have a place in our memories, but it’s time to move on to bigger and better things. Playing on a Pong a Long portable beer pong table is our little way of preserving your memory and just saying “thanks”.

Acción que ríe: ganados con un sentido del humor. Excepto las ballenas. Recoja el sistema del conjunto. ¿Quién pago parado en mi cheque de la realidad? Una conclusión es el lugar adonde usted consiguió cansado del pensamiento. El único substituto para las buenas maneras es reflejos rápidos. No dije que era su avería. Dije que iba a culparle. Derretimiento de Pentiums en su PC, no en su mano. El sexo era tan bueno que incluso los vecinos tenían un cigarrillo. Generalmente hablando, usted no está aprendiendo mucho cuando su boca se está moviendo. La manera más rápida de doblar su dinero es doblarlo por la mitad y ponerlo detrás en su bolsillo. Si usted no tiene mucha educación usted debe utilizar su cerebro. Hay 3 clases de gente: los que pueden contar y los que no pueden. Es siempre el más oscuro antes de amanecer. Tan si usted va a robar el periódico del vecino, ésa es la época de hacerlo. Su piscina de gene podía utilizar una poca clorina. No beba y no conduzca. Usted puede ser que golpee un topetón y derrame su bebida. Más pronto usted se cae detrás del más tiempo que usted tendrá que coger para arriba. El genio hace lo que debe, talento hace lo que puede, y usted tenía lo más mejor posible hacer lo que le dicen.

Viva Beer Pong!

Random Brain Parasite #001

The right tool for the right job. Anyone who has worked for a middle school educated foreman to earn some extra scratch has heard these rage inducing words at least a million times. Annoying as it may be, you always knew deep down that it was wisdom coming from that smelly, cold hearted jerk. Now, as you stand over his grave after the funeral that no one came to, it hits you like a bolt of stupid. You can’t play beer pong on a closet door you ripped out of your dorm room! That’s just ridiculous! Thanks old timer, I’m checking out the portable beer pong tables over at Pong a Long because they truly are the right tool for the right job.